Christmas Newsletter 2012: Why My Family Is Better Than Yours

Posted: December 23, 2012 by mezmcconnell in Fun stuff, Niddrie Community Church, Random Stuff, Recommended Resources, Websites
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About 5 years ago, in response to the countless Christmas Family Newsletters we receive each year, we began our own ‘alternative’ version. It was partly due to my irritation at being told how good ‘Rupert’ was at the trombone now or how ‘Felicity’ had been voted the ‘Best Drawer In A Decade’ at the local infant school. That accompanied with said children in various poses around the piano or with a book of sonnets tucked under their arm made me want to vomit (a lot). So, I produced my own version. Oddly, over the years, the amount of Newsletters we receive has dropped off considerably! Also, without fail, every year I will get at least one email from somebody congratulating me on the amazing exploits of my family! So, what’s true and what’s false? You decide. I will give you a clue though. I do not know anybody with children called Rupert or Felicity! Enjoy this year’s offering.

McConnell Christmas Newsletter 2012

Seasons Greetings Campers!

Miriam and I have discussed in-depth this year about how we ought to be wording these yearly updates. It seems that some people are intimidated and have even been offended by the content of previous years. We can only sincerely apologise if that has been the case. So, in order to assuage these individuals, and to show just how considerate we are, we have decided not to include a family photo this year. This is so our friends, particularly those with ugly children, are not embarrassed by the shining beauty of our glorious offspring. That’s the sort of love and Christmas spirit we are bringing to the table this year! And what a year it has been in the McConnell household. Thrills and spills galore. Strap yourselves in and get ready for the ride of your Christmas season.

Yes, it is that time of year when, once again, we McConnell’s bring a little colour into the drab, greyness of your uninteresting, sad, little lives. We hope you enjoy!

What news of the Girls?

Keziah has grown up ever so quickly this year and had the opportunity to enter university early, at the age of 11. We were somewhat miffed at the slowness of her educational development but she has assured us she will apply herself better in the coming year. We are currently investigating courses for her in trumpeting. At the moment we are deciding over Cambridge, Oxford or Harvard. She is being swayed by the latter’s course on Intellectual Renaissance History. We have no idea what it means but a degree with the word intellectual in it sound almost too good to pass up. Obviously, we will keep you all fully informed. Even if your own child is not as gifted as ours, and it is highly unlikely, fear not for you can live vicariously through our own supremely gifted progeny.

Lydia has developed a keen interest in environmental issues this year. She has taken to sleeping on a bed made entirely of hay rather than a bed ‘manufactured in factories that don’t adhere strictly to the Kyoto Treaty guidelines’ (her words, the little poppet). She has also decided to live off food that has only fallen naturally to the ground and been captured on a bed of duck feathers, so as to minimise the suffering of her personal sustenance. Also, this year, we took her for an IQ test this year and, sadly, they were unable to give us a fair indication because she was, quote, ‘off the scale’. Perhaps the favourite answer she gave during her interview came out when asked what, if any, unfulfilled ambition she has. ‘To write a mould breaking, genre-busting and philosophically world shattering series of novels.’ It’s that complete lack of pretension that constantly brings a tear to my eye.

What news of the adults?

Miriam continues to blossom, under the headship of Mez, like a Rose planted in a bucket of the finest manure. This year she entered the UK National Crochet Championships and initially finished second. Thankfully – and to avoid the shame of being tagged a ‘loser’– our complaint about the legitimacy of the other competitor’s ‘Granny Square’ was upheld and she was awarded the first prize. You should have seen the look on the face of the lady who was disqualified – it was priceless – especially when we tipped her out of her wheelchair and did a victory dance in front of her tear stained face. It was certainly a highlight of our year! We also gave each of the other competitors a tract on the meaning of grace. Many of them looked like they could have done with some – talk about sore losers!

Mez was approached this year to play a part in the upcoming Hobbit trilogy. Unfortunately, he failed on his audition as a dwarf (too short, apparently). They informed him, in writing, that they will keep him on file should The Smurfs ever make it to the big screen.

Serious Stuff

It’s been a particularly busy year for the church. We have recently seen 10 baptisms and have more planned for early next year. God has been so good to NCC and we are immensely thankful to Him for all He is doing here. One of these was Keziah who has really been growing in her faith in the last year. Lydia has decided to wait a while to make sure that she is really ready.

We have also launched a new ministry in the church – 20 schemes (www.20schemes.com). We also have a facebook page – please like us on there if you can. This is a ministry dedicated to planting and/or revitalising gospel churches in 20 housing schemes in Scotland over the next 10 years. We are operating in partnership with Bardstown Christian Fellowship in Kentucky, under the leadership of Matthew Spandler-Davison. Please check us out online and pray for us in this new venture. Anybody who would like to support this work financially can contact me at mez@niddrie.org.

We have seen a number of people come to faith throughout the year and, thankfully, all of them seem to be going strong. JRH is full to capacity with 4 men most of whom having been saved out of drug and crime backgrounds. Their testimonies are available to watch at www.niddriepastor.com. Please continue to pray for our work in the community and for our very busy Christmas outreach programmes.

Can I wish you all a great and restful Christmas and a Happy New year!

Mez Miriam Keziah & Lydia.

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Comments
  1. John Brand says:

    Brilliant and very entertaining, Mez. warm and genuine Christmas greetings to you and yours

  2. Classic ! Gave me a good laugh indeed…..I actually think a Halifax Town fan would enjoy being painted blue almost as much as a Glasgow Rangers fan !

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